I spent years pursuing what I believed to be a legitimate cultural horizon. I left home and lived in unstable conditions, constantly moving between London, São Paulo, and Berlin… I dedicated everything I had to the idea that culture was a civilizing force worth the sacrifice. I studied, worked, absorbed references, and built a practice slowly and deliberately, trusting that seriousness and commitment would find their place.
Yet the world is not structured around merit or intellectual rigor, but rather as an aggressive circuit of influence. A club of privilege that rewards submission and expediency rather than inquiry or critical thought. Recognition is not the fruit of the work itself, but of a choreography of belonging. The system metabolizes what is available, repurposes ideas without acknowledging their origins, and does so with a cynicism that contradicts the very ideals it claims to uphold.
I stepped away from that “video game” of points and rewards to work on art and education with children in Brazil’s interior, bringing imagination and color to places where cultural resources were scarce. In my absence, space opened up for others to take over ideas I had been developing for years. That space acts as a critical mirror of a practice that is itself critical. It reflects how the system absorbs and redirects what is alive though not necessarily what is understood.
This dynamic echoes a story from my family. My grandfather believed he had gained recognition in the world of spearfishing, only to discover that the “award” was a cruel prank played by people who viewed him as a naive provincial. The humiliation devastated him. His experience reveals how systems built on irony and exclusion can shatter those who approach them with sincerity.
I am not predestined; I am moving forward and learning. I am realizing that the structure I once believed in does not align with my values or my way of living and working. The cost of belonging to this choreography which demands self-erasure and strategic conformity is extremely high. Unfortunately, that is simply how the system operates.
I am keeping my distance, yet I have not stopped creating. I navigate a world that mistakes opportunism for culture. I no longer wish to play the court jester. That is clarity.
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